Wednesday, August 06, 2008

how not to blow up your house

I've been living on my own at home for the last week or so. The following is entirely incongrous to that.

Two ways in which it is possible for young men to set their houses on fire:

1. Make yourself some burgers and do them on the grill. But you don't like cleaning up, it's a waste of your precious tv watching time, so you put some tinfoil on the grill. But you're also a little impatient, so you put the heat up high. A couple of minutes of satisfying sizzling later and that beautiful wafting aroma of cooking meet drifts up. But then some smoke starts to come too. You pull out the grill, and you realise, whoops, the fat from the burgers is a little bit on fire.

Moral: Expend your lungs and open the back door

2. Order pizza from Dominos, and decide, what the hell, you'll get some brownies with it. After your pizza you're a little full, so you wait a while for the brownies. When you get peckish later on in the evening, you chuck the brownies in the microwave; you wouldn't want them cold would you? When you start to hear a strange, distinctly un-brownie-like crackling, you beging to wonder ''is that a blue spark... oh my god, what the hell'' and turn it off very quickly. You open up the cardboard box, and see the sparkling, lightly smoked tinfoil inside.

Moral: Tinfoil, it might just kill you some day

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